Positive thinking is everywhere. Scroll through Instagram or pick up a self-help book, and you’ll be told that if you just "think positive," your problems will disappear. Celebrities, influencers, and life coaches all swear it's the secret to success, and they make it sound effortless. But for many of us, especially those carrying trauma or working in high-risk jobs, that advice rings hollow.
Why Positive Thinking Isn't Always Helpful
I’ve always had a knack for spotting what’s wrong. Whether it’s in a conversation, a situation, or a workspace, my brain zeroes in on danger or imbalance. That’s not because I’m negative for the sake of it. It’s partly trauma, I’ve learned to scan for threats to stay safe. And partly, it’s my trade. I’m a trained electrician. Risk assessing isn’t optional; it’s life saving. If something goes wrong, people can get hurt. I’ve spent years wired, literally and emotionally, to look for the worst case scenario.
That’s why find When the Body Says No by Dr Gabor Maté such an important book. In one chapter, he flips the script on the whole “positive vibes only” narrative. He writes:
“In order to heal, it is essential to gather the strength to think negatively... it is a willingness to consider what is not working. What is not in balance? What have I ignored? What is my body saying no to?”
When the Body Says No, p. 302
This was a lightbulb moment for me. What if negative thinking isn’t a flaw, but a signal? What if, instead of pushing it away, we sit with it and listen?
Listening to the Message Behind Negative Thoughts
Too often, we treat negative emotions like something to overcome or avoid. But what if they’re showing us something important? When we’re willing to ask, "What’s not working?", we open the door to real change. We become honest about our stress, our pain, our limits, and only then we can do something about them.
This isn’t about becoming cynical or wallowing in misery. It’s about looking at your life with clear eyes. What’s out of balance? Where are you pretending everything’s fine when it isn’t? Counselling is one way we start to explore those questions. It’s not just about talking things through. It’s about learning to face what we’ve been avoiding.
There’s Strength in Seeing What’s Broken
There’s a hidden strength in negative thinking. When things fall apart, when life hands us pain or disappointment, we’re being handed an opportunity. It might not feel like it at the time, but those moments show us what needs attention. They highlight where we’re stuck, where we’re hurting, and where we might begin to grow.
That’s how real change happens. You spot the cracks, and instead of ignoring them, you repair them. Or you knock the whole wall down and build something stronger. That’s not weakness. That’s resilience.
Negative Emotions Can Build Emotional Intelligence
Negative thinking can also deepen emotional intelligence. When we stop trying to put a positive spin on everything, we can better process grief, anger and sadness. We stop gaslighting ourselves. We begin to hear what our bodies, minds, and hearts are really saying.
This kind of honest reflection builds self-awareness. When we acknowledge our darker thoughts, we start to recognise patterns. Maybe we keep choosing the same kind of partner. Maybe we burn out in the same way, job after job. Negative thinking helps us spot these patterns. It shines a light on our blind spots. And with that awareness comes the chance to change.
The Danger of Toxic Positivity
One of the most dangerous things about the "positive thinking" movement is the way it shames people for feeling bad. If you’re anxious, grieving, or struggling, it’s easy to feel like you’re failing just because you’re not smiling. That’s where toxic positivity creeps in, and that’s a topic I’ll dig more in another post.
For now, I’ll say this: genuine, grounded positivity doesn’t mean ignoring what’s hard. It means facing it, moving through it, and growing from it. To do that, we need the full picture, the good and the bad.
True healing starts when we stop pretending everything’s fine. Only then we can begin to do something about it.